I feel like I have no idea what I’m doing.
But, then again, I’m sure every first time parent (mom or dad) feels that way. Still, it’s good to admit it, I think. Because if you admit it, then you can start asking for help. And, it’s really true what they say: “it takes a village.”
That’s one confession I think all first time parents understand. Aside from that obvious confession, though, I have a few others and I’m going to share them here.
Please don’t judge me. This is a safe space, right? Sharing is caring? We’re all in this together?
Either way, Here it goes. My first-time-mom confessions.
Note: I’m only a month into this whole thing, so this list may very well grow!
1. I have constant “mom guilt”
I always feel like I’m not doing something right. This is different than the “I don’t know what I’m doing” feeling. This is the “I had a feeling I should have done this different… why didn’t I do this differently?”
For example, I went to a new moms’ luncheon the other day. It made me feel like a complete fool, let me tell you. All the other babies were in long sleeves and pants. My baby? Nope. She was in a short sleeved romper. Her legs were bare except for a pair of socks that didn’t even match her outfit! I definitely kept her wrapped up tightly in her blanket the entire time.
I should have put her in a different outfit. Why didn’t I? She has plenty! I knew it was cold.
I felt so horrible. More than anything, I was embarrassed.
2. But, it’s not always enough to make me do something
That brings me to my next confession, though. Just because I felt guilty and embarrassed for not putting my baby girl in a warmer outfit, that doesn’t mean that I went home and changed her right away.
Getting her in and out of those long sleeve/ long pants things is SO annoying! And changing her diaper when she’s wearing one of those? Forget about it! It’s a complete hassle! I’d much rather just wrap her up in a blanket and be done with it.
Basically, even if I feel a little bad, I still usually end up doing what’s easier. I mean, I’m still figuring all this out! I’m overwhelmed and pretty sleep deprived. Most days, I’m just happy she has clothes on. That’s a victory enough for me!
3. I heard you poop, Baby Girl… I’m just pretending I didn’t
I said it. It’s true. Judge me if you must. But, just because I heard my daughter poop (and believe me, you can hear it on the other side of the house; she’s not coy) doesn’t mean I’m going to run and change her diaper right away. Especially if she’s sleeping. I am NOT going to wake her up.
4. I love to sit up and stare at you, but as soon as you wake up, I hate myself for not sleeping instead
Those quiet moments are so sweet and so fleeting. I try to enjoy them while I can. I love to just sit and watch her sleep. It warms my heart and makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.
But, the second her eyes open… I instantly feel a ripple of anger shimmy through me. “Why did I do that? I should have slept! Now I’m going to be up forever trying to get her back to sleep!”
It’s a constant struggle between “I want to soak up this time as much as possible” and “I’m going crazy from sleep deprivation and when did I shower last? and oh, goodness, I’m hungry, why didn’t I eat while she was asleep?”
5. I keep saying, “I know I’m going to miss these times one day” but I don’t always believe it
It’s just one of those mantras that new parents say– “I’m going to miss this one day.” But, will I really?
I’m sure I will (maybe?). But some days, I fantasize about the day she sleeps through the night and can feed herself and go to the bathroom by herself and… well, you get the picture.
I do love taking care of her and snuggling her and being her everything. I know she won’t need me forever… and I’m kind of thankful for that.
6. I am so crazy in love with you, Little Girl, that I don’t think I know how to function without you anymore
Was there even a time before I was a mom? I can’t remember… She’s become my entire life, my whole world. And I’m completely okay with that. I’m no longer me. I’m “Norah’s mom.” And I wear that title proudly.
Am I Alone?
Am I the only parent who feels/ does these things? Do you have any parenting confessions to share? Let me know I’m not alone!
To follow along with me and Norah on our journey, check our my blog at miniminimalistmama.com!