People come into your life to leave you and to teach you something valuable. Every person comes to your life with something that you need to observe, realize and learn. They say change is the only thing which is constant. But it’s the very same thing that scares everyone or most of them like me.
When we are born, we have zero expectations. Because we do not know anyone and no knowledge of how this world will be. As we grow, we are taught so many things and main important thing is to love others and respect them. But we are never taught how to love and respect ourselves. This is the most important thing that we must embrace right from the time we step into this world and still, we have no clue of what it is. For many who hear the word self-love, it is like a new trendy word but we never sit and understand the importance of it. Why is it that we have missed this valuable lesson?
When you travel in flight, the initial instructions always say that when in trouble first put the oxygen mask on yourself and then help others. But why is it that we miss this vital information in life. Does it not apply the same way?
As soon as we are born, our immediate bondage is with our parents which we will be indebted till our death. Next with siblings, may be some close relatives, then Friends, husband, kids and list goes on. What is it in our human body that we connect with others, do things for them but forget about ourselves. The one person who you will live with you till last breathe is YOU and still we give the least importance because we give more importance to other relationships in our life. Shouldn’t our bondage with others help us get stronger and joyful?
If we give it a thought and see what is it that others give us that we do not find in ourselves-one thing which I understood is ASSURANCE. Assurance that everything is going well, assurance that we are good, assurance that there is someone to depend on when we fall, assurance to make you feel beautiful, lovable. We fail to seek all these within ourselves and completely rely on someone else to lead us through every step of our life.
We often get attracted to a quality in someone which we do not possess. Eventually this leads to our bonding with them and which makes us forget the innate qualities within us which we need to see inside and love. Life must hit very hard for us to understand what we lost in process of gaining something externally. Something which is not part of our personality and we tend to cling to it, it is bound to breakdown.
When we are knocked down, everything seems upside down. You start analyzing every situation so much that you subconsciously forget to live in the present. Things don’t seem right and you start to doubt your every decision and situation you are in. Your insecurity which already exists within you because of which we are in this situation increases further causing anxiety and depression.
There are many books and tons of quotes on “self-love” and “loving yourself” and many in today’s world are trying to incorporate in their lives. It is indeed very helpful but one need to do much more. One technique which always helps is self-talk. Whenever there is a situation where you feel weak, stressed out, breathe in 3 to 4 times and start talking to yourself. It really helps. It is not a one day thing, it is a process which takes days or several months. Start writing positive notes or any quotes which you like and post it everywhere in your room. It helps you divert your mind and makes to think positive about yourself. Start doing meditation/Yoga. Eventually, you will learn to trust, love and know yourself again.
My mom always used to say that if there are any old and unused things at home, we always should throw it away, that is when we will have place for new things in our home. I understand her advice now and I think we need to apply the same thing in life. Let people come in our life, let them leave, let them change you. Recycle old you and embrace the new you. As I mentioned earlier, it is not instant, it is a process which takes time. Have patience. You will learn, you will get stronger and attain your inner peace.
I read this quote today and felt it is very relatable.
“There’s going to be very painful moments in your life that will change your entire world in a matter of minutes. These moments will change YOU. Let them make you stronger, smarter, and kinder. But don’t you go and become someone that you’re not. Cry. Scream if you should. Then you straighten out that crown and keep it moving.”