Developing Your “Mom Self”

There is some fundamental shift once you become a mother, all the “me” issues you used to have disappear into thin air, and you see the world differently than before, this effects every part of you being, your thought process, your relationships, your patience, your priorities, your day to day activities, the way you think, basically everything about you changes.

Don’t get me wrong, my personality is still in there, and I am still me, I am just different, I know how weird that sounds, but for me; I am stronger emotionally; when you become a mom, you have to put your emotions aside sometimes, you cannot have a breakdown right now because you have to feed or bath your baby, so you put it away for later, when later comes you are over it ha ha.

There is just this whole new side of you, and that’s what I call – The Mom Self.

This takes some time to master, as with any new role in your life, practice makes perfect, and this one particularly is so overwhelming and takes some time to get used to.

The day my baby was born, everything was chaotic, so many people, doctors, nurses, and the moment is kind of just too big to fully grasp and take it all in, you and your partner don’t really seem to get the time to chat or to get used to the idea because then grandparents and aunts and uncles pitch up to see the new bundle of joy.

I had a C-Section, so the whole process was just such a shock to my system, I read so many things on the procedure and talked to so many moms that went through it, and yet, it was nothing like I thought it would be, it was so scary being awake (that was the worst part for me) and the adrenaline and the excitement is overwhelming (I use this word a lot, because well, there is no other word for it).

That night I was alone at last in the hospital, they took my baby and looked after her during the night for me to rest after the surgery, the next morning at 5 am, they wheeled her in and left her, I remember thinking oh my word, you can’t just leave her here alone with me, what must I do with her?

The feeling I had was pure panic!

What was I supposed to do with her? I read so many books on what to do, and talked to so many new moms, and yet, in that moment, it all disappeared, and the reality was staring me right in the eyes! I was a mom, and I had a baby, a tiny one at that, and was even unsure about how to change her diaper in that moment.

Now, 6 months later, and I am so comfortable with her, don’t get me wrong, I still has days where I am not sure what is going on and second guess myself, but these days are less than they were. The only way to get to this point is time; give yourself time, don’t be so hard on yourself in the beginning or well, ever for that matter, being a mom is a very big change for a woman, and like all changes in life, you need time and patience to master this role and to fully be comfortable in it.

So, take a deep breath and give yourself a break! You will get there!

Angelique

 

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19 thoughts on “Developing Your “Mom Self”

  1. Fabulous post it can be quite a trauma for new moms, I think you wrote it well 💐😀

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for the great feedback 🙏🏻

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I’m such a noob. I just found this blog. How long have you been a mother?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. My baby girl just turned 6 months now 😍

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  3. That’s beautiful 🙂 do you mind sharing her name? Or at least how you chose the name? Because I know names are really private and personal and powerful.

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    1. Her name is Paige 🌸 I went to school with a girl named Paige and she was just gorgeous inside and out , and just loved the name ever since !

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      1. That’s a beautiful name, and I’m pleased you chose something that means a lot to you. Do you have any other associations with the name Paige? I mean, ones that you like. Because often with names people just attribute stuff to them that they think, and you don’t necessarily want other people’s opinions to be forced upon you.
        I mean, as a teacher who had kids before teaching, I think it’s funny hearing anecdotes about “oh, we can’t name our kid that because I think of this kid.. Or that kid…” you know? Lol

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      2. Hahaha jip ! Always happens , and nope no other reason ! I dont see the other paige anymore , so if she does something that annoys me it cant change my mind about the name at least haha

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      3. Excellent! And then if you were to find other meanings that you really liked you can tack them on too! And then as you attribute particular meanings to the name is becomes more powerful.
        Would you mind if I did a little name thingy thing? I mean. Give you my opinions on the name you have chosen.

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      4. To me, Paige implies that her destiny is open to whatever she wants it to be. You want her to be like the person you named her after but not confined to living that life. It’s like a blank page in a book, a blank canvas to create whatever destiny and life she wants to lead. And that it could be part of a larger narrative (life.. Or the world.. Or myth and legend) but it doesn’t confine her to be someone else’s story. She can be as beautiful as a single poem on its own, or an artwork to be appreciated. But she’s not what she looks like. She could be a chapter in a book. You’ve not limited her choices in life but allowed her to make her own mind and choose her own path. You’re her mother and you will love her always. But as mum’s we tend to take on many roles and hats in life. And as women we’re often told we have to do things a certain way. But that’s old school old world way of thinking. The future isn’t on paper but is digitalised. So.. She can choose to honor “tradition” or choose to be legendary, surpassing from archaic to arcane. She is magical and you are a magician by bringing her to life. Don’t let her be stuck thinking “what’s wrong with me?” Because you know there’s nothing wrong, it’s just the way life is. We learn how to censor ourselves so we are accepted in public. But how we act, how we behave, how we speak… those are mere aspects of ourselves and don’t define who we are. Women are intuitive, and so we just “know”. And that’s why she can trust you because you love her and you just know these things.
        In short, to me the name Paige is a marker of someone who is in control of their own destiny. And I believe that’s part of the reason you chose that name, too.

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      5. So awesome ! Thank you so much 🙏🏻

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      6. You’re welcome. 🙂 I like learning why people choose to name their kids certain things. I think it’s nice. Because people also call each other awful names that really sting. But also when we give nicknames to each other, to know if they’re being genuine or condescending. If it’s from a place of love or being mean.

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  4. Congratulations on being a mother! You’ll do great as this mystery unfolds!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Beautiful, Honest and Relatable loved reading your post!!!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻

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  6. What a meaningful post! I know exactly how you felt. I had an emergency c section and when five doctors and residents came in, surrounding me telling me I had to have a c section, I literally broke down. It’s so tough recouping while trying to take care of an infant (physically and emotionally). I’ll admit I definitely had some breakdowns in the beginning just getting used to no sleep and the realization that you have no time for youself (not even a minute to brush your teeth!) It’s amazing how quickly you get the hang of multi-tasking though and doing everything for your kids. What a crazy but fun journey motherhood is! 😊

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Haha I also had so many breakdowns and moments where I had no idea how I would get through it all , but like you said , somehow , here we both are , alive after all 🤣🙈 its amazing ! And just makes us even stronger for it ! Heres to us 🥂

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